trans, nerd.


August 2013

78 Minutes

A life condensed

A beautiful searing existence

Drawn short by two letters.

A wonderful life

A broken man who fixed,

A broken child who grew.

A life condensed

To talking heads, shaking heads.


A Moment

Have a care and choose your words,

Don’t just pluck them from the air,

You are wearing patience thin

Cease your prattle rattle tattle,

Have a thought and keep it in.

The bristle rise

                And point

                                And blame

“It’s you,” they whisper,

                “It’s you, for shame.”

Futurism II

The road ahead will seem unclear.

There should be no worry,

The world will show its true intention

To you,

To me,

To all.

The trees ahead will part they way.

There will be a path for you,

The choices will be made

For you,

For me,

For all.

None of us are truly free.

We are all affected by others,

The choices that they make

Affect you,

Affect me,

Affect all.

Nothing is predicted.

Pre-destiny is bunk,

The thing about the world is it will

Fuck you,

Fuck me,

Fuck all.

Same Day Again

First stroll, first light

First roll, then light

Last stroll, midnight

Last roll, good night.


He sits and stares dumbfounded

Lost within his thoughts

His dreams are lost unfounded

A binary of zeros

No one, no on, just off.

The Time

The night falls and I am forced to smile.

This is my time,

My time to shine.

The curtains close and I pour a drink.

This is my time,

My time for wine.

The door is locked, the keys removed.

This is my time,

My time to recline.

In the dark I am comfortable.

This is my time,

My time to smile.

As Is

It fell that fateful night.

So ill prepared for such a thing

I struggled to put it right.


They all saw me anew.

It should have been an answer

But I didn’t want them to


See the side I’d hidden.

For so long now, many years

The road on which I’ve ridden


Solitary, strong in stealth.

I’ve been riding away from all

It takes its toll on my health


As it should.

As it did.

As it will forevermore.


I cried that fateful night.

In the eyes of all those staring

I was drawn into the light.




They all stared me down.

I still feel the scalding orbs

Hidden deep ‘neath bustled frown


Seeing me for what I am

And for all that I am not.

I see now I had appeared a sham


To myself but not to them.

They knew the face was just a mask

It was dropped toward the hem


As I should

As I did

As I wish I never had.


Sometimes, caffeine isn’t enough

Nicotine is far too rough, and the alcohol is wearing off

Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t me

Wish I could be someone else, somewhere else

Sometimes, I wish the feelings would pass

Like I’m not going to get beyond the past

Sometimes, when my eyes start to glaze

My mind heads to the haze of better days

Sometimes, I remember last year

Like it was only last week and I smile

Sometimes, when I’m sat all alone

Reminded I’m on my own, I think of you as home.

Nobody told me

How bad I would feel

This time this year.

Deep Rain

Under a deep rain walked the woman,

Cuddled up in her coat,

Muttering at the sky, daring it to try harder.

As unkempt boots hit short sharp puddles

The damp rose

Over the sole

Beyond the tongue

Toward the woman within.


The deep rain deepened.

The woman slipped and fell

Into a hole in the earth which dared him to climb out.

The hole filled with pure rainwater

The water rose

Over the soul

Beyond the tongue

And drowned the woman within.


The deep rain abated.

The woman who slipped

Stood in steady mist not daring to take a step.

As woman stands still rainwater falls

Off her coat

Over the sole

Beyond the tongue

Thus dried the woman within.

The deep mist retained its secrets,

Huddled close to the woman,

Muttering fools apologies to none who hear.

The mist fell away to dawn-light

The sun rose

Over the soul

Beyond the tongue

And warmed the woman within.


The daylight quickly hid.

Behind blackened clouds

The sun shone on unheeded by the world beneath.

The clouds fell as ice

The ice as blocks

Onto the soul

Onto the tongue

And crushed the woman within.

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